The Lounge Radio Show in Pixels

(With apologies to Paul Harvey)

The NHL on TV is doomed?

(Long pause, enough time to get another beer from the fridge)

The second round of the Stanley Cup playoffs are a step closer to completion and already the shrill voice of the media writer warns how sad the ratings might be for the next two rounds now that -- pick a team -- has been eliminated from the tournament.

Mike Ozanian of Forbes has spent some time on the calculator and is saying that the next two rounds will be critical for the NHL and NBC because, he says, most of the teams that generate high television ratings are now or soon will be playing golf.

OK, I can see how this is of a fair amount of concern for those who only watch CNBC for the business news and not for hockey. And his article stays focused on business, and not on the sad rat's tears and salty whine that Pat Caputo was serving last week in the Oakland Press.

I get Ozanian's point, but that is the risk of not fixing games so that the popular teams are glued to the top of the standings and permanently in possession of the championship trophy.

(Short pause for effect of sarcasm)

You see, it would be great for advertisers if hockey were more like the roller derby or sideshow basketball with the Harlem Globetrotters. The Globe and Mail writes doom and gloom after the first round because Detroit, as well as Vancouver and Ottawa, have checked out of the Stanley Hotel. The Buffalo Sabres never even made the tournament, so these numbers in the U.S. were doomed to begin with, right?

So naturally, things will be bad, much in the way the Calgary-Tampa Bay, the Edmonton-Carolina or Ottawa-Anaheim cookoffs were bad for the NHL on television. Wait? The NHL survived, you say? Imagine that.

Sure, hockey can create its version of the Globetrotters and the Washington Generals. Entertainment with no surprises. But fans will eventually grow tired of that, meaning advertisers will depart as well.

For now, I hope Caputo enjoys the rest of his spring, (a light pause here before I turn whimsical) a warm can of Vernors in his hand and an embarrassingly thin copy of the Oakland Press in the other to swat away all the mosquitoes as he sits in his rusty lawn chair imagining a world where the Red Wings always have a seat at the table, whether they deserve one or not.

Page 2.

(Uncomfortable pause, followed by a surprising blurt)

The fries alone are worth the trip?

Fries at Five Guys burgers are worth a 10-block walk at lunchtime. Perhaps one can argue that it is a great part of any exercise regimen. That means, I might be able to argue that I am eating healthy when I have a brown bag of Five Guys fries at the ready as I march across New York.

Feel the burn in those thighs; eat more fries.

(Short pause to keep you off balance)

Page 3.

I've reserved a special salute to all those who made online comments on newspaper stories on the rugged, if not always within the rules, play during the first round.

You know who I am talking about. (Pause of undetermined length... wait for it) They compose their notes in outrage, at once saying they cannot believe the NHL allows such play while at the same time saying they stopped watching the NHL a long time ago. They go on to profess their love for hockey played in Europe and international tournament action, which they paint as a saintly pursuit of victory.



So imagine my surprise that an incident such as the one above occurred in the France-Kazakhstan game Sunday at the World Championships. Sacha Treille of France drew a five-game suspension for this hit on Roman Starchenko of Kazakhstan. I've seen high sticks, head shots and slew footing at a number of international games, but these people who stopped watching the NHL long ago are not commenting because the only thing they did not give up long ago was commenting on things they know little about. I know they are not watching this tournament. But to be fair, let's ask Ozanian to check into the World Championships' television ratings in the U.S.

(The long pause of a smart ass)

It's fair to say that these Outraged in Montclair types are not watching these saintly international games either. My theory: they don't know the tournament is taking place. My second theory: their tennis club does not get the NBC Sports Channel.

(Pause of the victor)

Either way, they lose. And now you know (last pause) the rest of the story.

Good day.